Between Mind and Machine
by Black-Cat-Max
Summary: KOS MOS ponders her relationship with her creator, Shion.


Author's notes: Hey everyone, Max here. This is my first foray into Xenosaga... I haven't played much of the game thus far (just up to Ziggy's first appearance), but this idea came to me and I didn't want to put it off and risk losing it. Hope you all enjoy it!

Standard disclaimer: I wrote this, but the characters. setting, etc. are NOT MINE.

Still as death she stood there, taking in the scene before her. Or perhaps it stood there - gender being a creation of human ideology didn't change how it applied to those not quite human, by others or the self. KOS-MOS relegated this line of inquiry to the lower levels of her mental processing, using it to occupy the cycles of encephalonic activity not currently engaged in other matters. For like all computers the android's brain never functioned at less than full capacity - it was simply a matter of what percentage of her mental reources were engaged in the events surrounding her while the rest kept busy with redundant functions or low-priority data crunching, such as what she had just begun contemplating.

Contemplating - yes, that word fit. The question of whether or not it would appropriately apply to thoughts generated by her computerized consciousness instead of human neural activity was also added to the list of mental processes. Meanwhile however, the majority of those aforementioned resources were engaged in the rapt attention being payed to one of the android's creators, the young human female Shion.

Max "Black Cat" Sanvein presents

A (theoretical) odyssey into Xenosaga

"Between Mind and Machine"

Diaha!

For one hour, seven minutes, and 33.26617 seconds they had been as they were, KOS-MOS still as stone and Shion moving only her eyes and fingers as she rapidly worked with the coded oprations on the screen before her. The android waited with the kind of patience only a machine could have, silently awaiting the explanation of what Shion intended to accomplish with her current task. 'I'll tell you what I'm trying to do', she had said, 'when I'm sure it will work.'

And so KOS-MOS waited and observed.

It was a situation that seemed to invite contemplation (Yes, one of her mental subroutines responded to her earlier query, 'contemplating' was an appropriate word to apply to her mental functions.) Though she was perfectly, even keenly, aware of the differences separating humans and androids, KOS-MOS found herself intrigued - another consideration for the subroutines - by Shion's activities. She sat very still there in her seat, with almost no sign of movement other than her hands, just as the android herself stood there watching. Her hands moved with amazing dexterity and speed, sacrificing nothing in the way of accuracy despite more rapidity than any other human KOS-MOS had observed. It was, the android decided, a side-effect of the fact that Shion's brain was also much more developed than most humans, according both to official documentation and, again, KOS-MOS's observations. She was different from others of her kind - though outwardly her appearance was perfectly common - on the basis of greater-than-normal abilities. KOS-MOS noted that these were things similar to herself, and something - a series of data from her emotional programming - searched her vocabulary for a word that fit this observation.

The word it found was 'familiarity'. Shion was familiar to herself. The two of them were, at least in a sense, alike.

Quickly cross-referencing this new deduction with her database of human psychology, KOS-MOS discovered that 'familiarity' and 'alikeness' correlated very strongly with a few different things. To narrow the possibilities, the android took into consideration other factors of her interaction with Shion. The young human (in terms of the overall potential and average human lifespans) had, even since the beginning, treated KOS-MOS with positive regard, respect, and sometimes pride. These factors narrowed the list down to two fairly specific things - friendship and affection, the former being slightly favored.That would mean, then, that Shion could be considered a friend.

The attribution made perfect sense in the scope of human psychology. It would also make sense for Shion to regard KOS-MOS - her creation - with some affection. It was not entirely logical and hence did not compute as it should have, but the information in that database held that humans felt a strong natural bond with their offspring, and that this bond could also exist in a similar form with non-living things into which the human creators placed a great deal of time and effort. KOS-MOS also knew, from past interaction with the human Vector crew, that her existence was the result of just such a condition - many years of research and development had gone into every facet of her design and construction. Additionally, while logic dictated that she was not human, not a living thing, but was close enough to being those things to trigger responses in humans that were generally only reserved for other humans. Feelings like affection.

Importance was another factor in the equation, KOS-MOS decided after some more silent contemplation. THe human mind functioned largely on a symbolic level. Words, images, and sounds of myriad varieties - as well as combinations thereof - became mentally associated with concepts, objects, thoughts, or emotions, and through this form of modeling humans interacted with each other and sought to apprehend reality. Accepting this framework, it was understandable that KOS-MOS herself could, to her creators, become a symbol of their work and their abilities and therefore an object of pride, of importance.

KOS-MOS found in this another instance of familiarity, of likeness. Shion was one of her creators, one of greater significance than most of the others who had worked on her design and construction. Without Shion, there was a 91.0112 probability that KOS-MOS would not exist as she currently was, and a 89.112 chance that the android would not exist at all. Cross-referencing this calculation with the defined meaning of the word, KOS-MOS decided that Shion was, in fact, very important to herself.

KOS-MOS also accounted for the fact that she herself treated Shion with positive regard and respect. This was primarily because her directive programming commanded that she do so to all Vector staff and researchers, but the fact was there nonetheless. There remained, however, two confounding factors. The first was the matter of pride. Though KOS-MOS understood from a technical perspective the definition of the word and had some data on how it functioned in humans, her emotional program ran several hypothetical tests based on various situations, and after a few minutes she was resigned to the understanding that it was not within her capacity to feel that particular emotion. No, 'feel' was the wrong word to use. To feel a thing was, by definition, to be taken with it. It had connotations of immersion, and a depth that, as far as her tests demonstrated, KOS-MOS was unable to manifest. Instead, she chose the word 'experience'. Yes, one could experience a thing even if only from an intellectual standpoint. To sum up the results of her thoughts - contemplations - on that particular factor, it was clear to KOS-MOS that she could not feel pride.

The second confounding factor was whether or not Shion regarded the android with familiarity; with a feeling of likeness. She could not be certain without asking directly, as humans had (throughout her own experience) proven themselves capable of greatly irrational mental processes, but as with everything KOS-MOS approached that factor from the intellectual standpoint. Humans were, again, very much given to understanding things in terms of symbolism and meaning, which meant that such symbolic things as the android's bipedal design, length of synthetic hair, dimensions of certain surface areas, and tone of voice would give the overwhelming majority of casual observers - anyone not familiar with the truth of her man-made self - the impression that she was a fully mature human female. She was programmed, as well, to imitate humans in many ways - from ways such as her walking stride and speech in their common language to the fact that, despite not needing to, her eyes blinked and her mouth moved when she spoke. She also possessed one of the most marked traits of humans among all other life; intelligence and the ability to reason. All of these qualities made KOS-MOS - in her own view - very similar to humans. And it stood to reason that Shion - who would necessarily be aware of these similarities due to her intelligence and ability to consider matters many humans might call trivial - would see the android as being like herself. Therefore, once all of these contemplations had been accounted for, and accepting the inference that Shion did, in fact, consider KOS-MOS like herself, it stood to reason that the human scientist and the android were friends. Because, as her mental processes had decided during these other processes, 'friendship' was a thing that implied mutuality, with all individuals involved regarding each other in the same way, or a way very similar. Therefore, even without the ability to feel pride, KOS-MOS could still consider her relationship with Shion to be friendly.

At this point KOS-MOS noted that it had been 3.435 seconds since the last time Shion's fingers had touched one of the keys on her computer station, which was longer than any of the pauses that had occurred since she started. Now taking the time to analyze what could be discerned of her vital signs, the android noticed that they had fallen slightly in rate, which she knew from some limited experience meant that the human was becoming tired and would need to sleep soon. Therefore, the time was right to make inquiries about what she had been doing during this period of time.

"Okay", Shion said as she raised her hands over her head and stretched, "I think this will work. I'll need to do more with it, but now I'm sure it's possible."

"What have you been working on?"

"It's a new sort of interface for the encephalon." Shion turned in her chair and faced KOS-MOS with a grin. "It's not complete, like I said, but once it is, I'll be able to connect our minds together in the same sort of way that we connect to the encephalon system itself."

"So our minds will interface?" KOS-MOS knew from her programming that curiosity was the term that best applied to what she was feeling - no, experiencing - then; the understanding that she lacked some piece of information and that she wished to possess that piece so that the overall motive would make logical sense. "What do you wish to accomplish by doing that?"

"Well..." Shion paused, gathering her thoughts. "I asked you once if you'd ever felt happiness, sadness, or love, and you said that you hadn't. I just... wanted to give you the chance to feel those things. So that you could grow to understand them."

"So I will learn how to feel through experiencing your own feelings?"

"Right. When you were designed, you were given a mind that was able to grow and evolve. As far as anyone knows, you're the only android ever created with a mind like that. It was supposed to help you adapt to combat situations, because you were initially designed to be a weapon. But... well... I wanted it to be like that because it's also the way a human mind develops. Experience shapes people, and makes everyone into a unique individual."

"You want me to grow into an individual."

"You are an individual, KOS-MOS. You are completely and totally unique - as far as anyone knows, nothing like you exists anywhere else in the universe." Shion smiled then, something she did often.

Initially the android wondered what had occurred in conversation, since her social programming said that one of the primary functions of smiling was diffusing tension. After one fifth of a second, however, she decided that the gesture was simply an expression of positive emotion. In this case KOS-MOS surmised that it was pride. "As far as I can discern you are correct."

"Right. And now you'll have the chance to understand humans much better."  
"Of course. That will allow me to coordinate my actions with that of any humans who fight with me in order to maximize battle efficiency."

"Well, that too..." Here the human hesitated, obviously deciding which words to use. "But really... it's also because I want you to develop that way, to learn what emotion really is."

"Why is that?"

"Well, I guess that under it all, what I really want is for you to become a person. Not just a humanoid weapon, but a person like me. A person who can think and feel and experience happiness."

"But that is not necessary for the completion of my missions. Shion, you are expending time and energy needlessly."

"It's not needless!" Shion pounded her fists onto the arms of her chair, and that combined with the sudden leap in her vital signs and body temperature told KOS-MOS that her creator was upset by what she had said. "I... I'm sorry KOS-MOS, I didn't mean to yell at you..."

"It is alright, Shion. You were simply behaving as you are programmed."

"As I'm programmed? Whatever do you mean?"

"Simple", the android replied. "Though your mind and mine are fundamentally different in many ways, the fact that you can use logic in the same ways I can and that you feel confident that you can make me experience emotion as you do means that we share certain similarities. Just as a realian and a human share various components and yet are very different things, so too must your mind and mine share similar functions on a basic level that allow them to come to resemble one another. If you compare me to an A.G.W.S., you see fundamental differences such as the fact that I am autonomous, but also similarities such as having metal composition. Thusly, while our minds have marked differences, there must also be similarities on the functional level, which logically indicates that just as I can sometimes break protocol if it is needed to form a solution to a situation, then you must be able to be programmed to react in certain ways to certain stimuli without conscious will."

Shion sat quietly for a moment, letting all of that sink in. Finally she giggled and grinned. "KOS-MOS, even though I played a large part in your design, you still find ways to impress me."

"That is good. Perhaps it means that your new project will have a higher percent chance of working."

"I hope so." Shion rose and placed a hand on the android's shoulder. "We humans take it for granted most of the time, but for someone who's never felt them before, I think emotions will make you feel very good."

"Even the emotions that humans consider to be negative?"

"Well..." Shion was quiet another moment. "I guess we'll deal with that when and if this whole thing works."

"And then I will feel happiness, sadness, love, and other emotions?"

"Yes... that's the idea."

"Very well then."

"Good. Now, I think we should both get some rest. Please return to your chamber and perform the necessary procedures."

"Very well." Shion turned and began to leave, but KOS-MOS turned to face her again. "Shion, please answer a query for me/"

"Of course... what is it?"

"Are we friends?"

That question and its implications could have taken a great deal more time, but rather than get dragged into another technical discussion, Shion simply smiled once again and replied. "Sure. Good night, KOS-MOS."

"Good night, Shion."

Once the young human had departed, KOS-MOS approached her stasis chamber and seated herself in the proper position. During the few seconds the chamber took to close and seal, she entertained a few more contemplations on the nature of her relationship with her creator. Shion had agreed that they were friends, eliminating one of the confounding factors from her previous equation. This combined with a suspicion - a hypothesis based on more study of the contents of her human psychological databases - that what humans often referred to as love was very similar to the feeling of friendship, simply to a greater degree of magnitude. Once this connection was made, the next step was to factor in that all sentient beings possessed a strong bond with their creators - or parents - and that humans almost universally referred to this bond as love. Thusly, the contemplation that should next occupy her redundant mental cycles was whether or not she loved Shion.

That contemplation would have to wait though, because just as the notion finished coming together the chamber finished sealing closed. KOS-MOS uplinked her systems to those of the chamber, and began powering down all internal systems, including her sentience programming. Her mind and body slowly sank into stasis, and all was silent peace.


End file.
